Funny Sales Quotes
It pays to have a sense of humor. It humanizes us to our customers. And an upbeat nature helps us handle the ups and downs of the profession better. These funny sales quotes and stories are from my three decades of sales. They will lighten any mood and bring positivity to sales teams and customers.
1. The hair salon
A hair salon had trouble getting business. Their sign said, “Haircuts $19”. Across the street was a competitor whose sign said, “Haircuts $8″. They hired a sales coach and received more traffic than ever the next day.
The manager thanked the consultant and asked what he did. The sales coach said, “Have a look at your new sign…”
$19 Haircuts — We Fix $8 Haircuts.
$19 Haircuts — We Fix $8 Haircuts.
2. A trip to buy expensive clothes
I went to a high-end clothing store to buy a suit.
“Our suits start at $650,” the salesperson said.
“Wow,” I said. “Maybe I won’t dress so formally. How much are your sport jackets?”
“They start at $375.”
“I’ll just wear a casual shirt and slacks. How much?” I asked.
“That combo is $250 and up.”
“Never mind, I’ll get nothing.”
“Oh, if you’re getting nothing,” said the salesperson, “That’s just $25.”
“Our suits start at $650,” the salesperson said.
“Wow,” I said. “Maybe I won’t dress so formally. How much are your sport jackets?”
“They start at $375.”
“I’ll just wear a casual shirt and slacks. How much?” I asked.
“That combo is $250 and up.”
“Never mind, I’ll get nothing.”
“Oh, if you’re getting nothing,” said the salesperson, “That’s just $25.”
3. The taste of success
The salesperson pulled out a book and asked the customer to touch and smell a product sample. Then he asked the customer to test the flavor. After the customer licked his finger, the salesperson frantically grabbed the book. “Oh, thank goodness. You tasted the flavor from page 42. My last customer tasted from page 44 and he had the flu.”
4. Losing your way to happiness
The worst producing sales representative always walked around with the biggest smile. When asked why he was always so happy, he said, “I don’t have sales goals, so I’m never disappointed.”
5. Praying for (or preying on) the deceased
The cemetery salesperson is great at coaxing others to think he’s making a living.
“My business is very successful. People are dying to get in.”
6. This really happened to me
The customer told the brand-new salesperson, on his first day in the field, that he wanted to buy the product. He had his checkbook in hand, but the salesperson walked out without the sale. When the customer asked to ship everything to Florida, the salesperson said, “Sorry. We don’t ship that far.”
The next day, the patient sales manager said to his new employee, “Just as a reminder, all major carriers DO deliver to all fifty states.
7. This did too
A new salesperson had to memorize a brief two-page spiel but got lost halfway through his first sales presentation. In an effort to recall, he stared at the ceiling motionless and lost track of time. Then the customer asked, “Are you alright?”
8. Lost in trans-lation
The sales manager kicked off a contest and said, “First place is a Mercedes Benz. Second place is a set of steak knives. Everyone else gets a pink slip.” Panic washed over the sales team’s faces. “Relax, the pink slips are from a ladies’ boutique.”
9. He just said what?
During a cold call, the telemarketer was leaning back in a chair. Just as the customer gave a shocking reply, the chair toppled over.
“What was that crashing sound?” the customer asked.
“I’m floored by your response.”
